0 votes
in Family & Relationships by (16.2m points)

My boyfriend is getting his hair done by his ex whom I don’t like because he had messaged her during our relationship telling her he wants to be with her again and misses her. ( we got past that) I told him no many times but he never listened and swore it was just to get his hair done. I stopped saying no but it still bothers the **** out of me and he’s going on Thursday to get it done . So I made plans with my friend who he apparent doesn’t like because he thinks she’s just a thot because he talks to a lot of guys but even so she’s my friend and I told him that I’m going to hangout with her and he’s arguing with me telling me no , am I wrong or him and if so how can we just get over it to where it doesn’t bother anyone . Mainly me I actually would like to know what I can do to not be bothered when he does stuff like hanging out with females I don’t like.

3 Answers

0 votes

The key question here is whether or not he's a strong guy. A strong guy treats his girlfriend with respect (for example, getting his hair done by someone else out of respect for you). Trust and respect are two pieces of the foundation of any long lasting relationship.

May I suggest that the first question to ask yourself when considering whether or not to date someone is, “Is this person a strong person?” If they’re not, no matter how much you like them, how much they like you, or how “cute” or “hot” they are, - please don’t date them. A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), displays a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), gives their best effort, and demonstrates self-control (of their body, anger, mouth and money).

My suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already), break up with this guy in a kind way unless he’s a strong person, and eventually look for this type of guy (otherwise you’re setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of man is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.

(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)

Hope this helps!

PS Here are "21 tips that could help you to attract a strong person" from the book True Love Lasts:

1. Take the time and put in the effort to become a strong person yourself (this is the most important tip)

2. Put yourself in as many situations as possible that will allow you to potentially come in contact with other strong people - community service organizations, the library, high school or college clubs, the “Y” or other workout facilities, religious book studies, coffee shops, non-alcoholic parties, bookstores, concerts (wear a good pair of earplugs to protect your ears from permanent hearing loss), co-ed recreational athletic teams, community service projects, mission trips, volunteer service, etc. Try to get to know other people as much as possible without dating

3. Be cheerful, approachable, and friendly - smile regularly to put others at ease (let people see your positive attitude)

4. Take a real interest in getting to know others. Ask people an open-ended question about themselves in order to get them talking. Share things related to what’s been said as needed to keep the conversation going. Then ask them another question

5. Be polite and kind to everyone - even to people who you don’t like or enjoy being around

6. If you decide to not accept a request for a date, do it in a kind way (being rude isn’t a good choice and it doesn’t help you - word about it will get out and you’ll become less approachable)

7. Be confident about yourself - if you’re trying to become a stronger person each day, you already have a lot going for you

8. Be humble - don’t act like you’re Miss Charming or you’re Mr. Wonderful

9. Don’t be concerned about whether or not someone likes you

10. Have the attitude that if someone doesn’t like you - they don’t really know you

11. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep (at least nine hours for teens, at least seven hours for adults according to the experts), exercising regularly (if approved by your doctor), and eating a healthy diet

12. Develop a good sense of humor - including the ability to laugh at your own mistakes

13. Be known as a hard worker

14. Dress well and dress modestly at the same time (wearing seductive clothing doesn’t attract another strong person)

15. Pay attention to your appearance, but don’t obsess over it (remember that strong people are attracted to other strong people, they’re not too concerned about looks - because they realize that looks fade with age). If you use makeup, make sure it’s not excessive. Use perfumes and colognes sparingly - if at all

16. Truly care about other people

17. Stay in close communication with real friends who can help you through the ups and downs of life and hold you accountable

18. Be patient - real friends can help you with this

19. Persevere - please remember that almost nothing worthwhile is quick and easy. Please don’t settle for dating a weak person

20. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to date you

21. Don’t act desperate for a date

0 votes
by (4.5k points)

What puzzles me is that you don't like her due to what he did. Ever think about that?

0 votes
by (16.2m points)

If he was "up to no good" then he'd be sneaking around, not telling you where he is, who he's with, what he's doing, and certainly not making it possible for you to pop in for a surprise visit. So if you know where he is, who he's with, what he's doing, and you are free to "just drop in" without warning, then you should be satisfied with that much and not ask for more. You're going to have friends he doesn't like and he's going to have friends you don't like. Maybe you should go with him for his haircut, take him to lunch afterwards, if you're uncomfortable with not being there?

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